home. puking in laundry basket.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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