it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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