So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
