plz talk dirty to me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
