I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
