Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
