I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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