She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
