Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
