Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
