he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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