I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm at about main and main street
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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