left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
