I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
