please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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