Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
two words...techno handjob
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
