Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
