I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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