In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is Oprah even human
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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