I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize