sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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