His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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