She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
