So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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