So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
