1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
