yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
