I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
