so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
