plz talk dirty to me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
