its not stalking. its research.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
