my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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