i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
