Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
