my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize