Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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