the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Text me some of your sweat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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