I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
