hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
