Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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