sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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