You're a womanizer and a bitch.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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