I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
