Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
