I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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