If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And then he peed in my hair
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