if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
