In the future we'll all be gay
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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