i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
