uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
