if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This baby is an asshole
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
