Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
