I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
