ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
