Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
