I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
