She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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