I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
