sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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