Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
