You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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