im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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