fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
