I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
