my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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