You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize