So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
