Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
