but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
