R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
