Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
