Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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