Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
