We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
