If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
